The Police Log's Greatest Hits
by David Loftus
Often, the first writing a cub reporter does for a newspaper is to cover the police beat. This involves writing up brief stories of major crimes and injury accidents, as well as a "log" of minor incidents and complaints that local police agencies have been called to investigate.
The latter may range from break-ins and thefts to truly bizarre and unexplainable small-town phenomena.
Undiscussed and unappreciated among higher practitioners of journalism and scholars, the police log is paradoxically one of the most popular features of small town daily and weekly papers.
Not only are the readers ever vigilant for the appearance of a neighbor's name they might recognize, but for the young reporter, the opportunities for dry humor are endless and immense.
Mini dramas, the stuff of soap operas and comic operettas, fill the police logs of newspapers across the land. The oddest details may turn up in burglary and theft reports, Also, police log items can be as fascinating for what they leave out as what they report.
I was responsible for the police log at the Roseburg, Oregon News-Review from my hiring date of October 19, 1987 (Wall Street's "Black Monday" was a happy day for me) until the end of 1988 when I moved to the North County beat. After a year of doing the police log, I wrote an op-ed piece about what to look for there -- how to read it.
I was living in southern Oregon timber country, which was on the one hand logging and hunting territory, and on the other, a prime locale for methamphetamine labs (and addicts who needed to steal and sell goods to support their habits). It was also in the furthermost reaches of the great Northern California pot-growing region.
So, though I knew nothing about logging or guns, I quickly learned how to spell many brand names that turned up repeatedly in burglary reports: Skil saws, Stihl, Husqvarna, Sachs Dolmar; a Remington BDL rifle with Leupold scope.
The police who took verbal reports from theft victims were not good spellers to begin with, and not necessarily any more conversant with brand names than I. One time, I dutifully reported the theft of some expensive "Varney" sunglasses along with other goods. A thoughtful editor caught it and corrected it to Vuarnet before it hit the press.
My police log developed a fan base. Readers told me they could always tell when I had written it, because of the wry flair and attention to piquant detail with which I rendered the stories.
Here follow some of my police log's "greatest hits":
[Jan. 19, 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Roseburg Police: From a vehicle parked near the intersection of Spring Avenue and Pine Street, reported 9:57 a.m. Monday. Stolen: G.E. toaster oven, aluminum tea kettle, six 7-Up Uncola beverage glasses, eight green Kerr glass jars, 100 paperback books, a black U.S. National Bank bag containing marbles, four or five Viewmaster slide viewers with old Viewmaster slides, and a box of fifty 45rpm records, including 20 Earl Bostic saxophone records. Method: broke passenger side window between 10:30 p.m. Sunday and 8:45 a.m. Monday. Value: $199 plus $50 damage
[Jan. 19, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 10:28 a.m. Monday -- A resident of West Center Street reported that someone had kicked in her door between 1:30 p.m. Sunday and 10 a.m. Monday while she was away, and had torn up house plants and dumped them in an aquarium. Although no property was missing, police classified the incident as a burglary with forced entry and were seeking the victim's former boyfriend as a possible suspect.
[Jan. 21, 1988] Incidents, Winston Police, 5:10 p.m. Wednesday -- Police responded to a report that two juvenile females were fighting on Lookingglass Road, Brockway. One was said to be dragging the other. At 7:19 p.m. police located a teenaged girl on Bremner Lane. She was muddy and wearing no shoes, but she would volunteer no information, so the police took her to her home.
[Jan. 21, 1988] Incidents, Douglas County Sheriff, 12:06 a.m. Thursday -- Deputies received a report that a woman had been shot at by her ex-husband. The victim had been driving northbound on Northeast Stephens Street when the ex-husband allegedly fired a shotgun from another car. The victim told deputies she had not heard the shot or see the gun, but that a passenger in her car had told her about it. She did not know the passenger's name but would get it later. She estimated the time of the incident to have been 10:30 p.m.
[Jan 22, 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Roseburg Police: From a residenceon the 1400 block of Southeast Hamilton, reported 12:15 a.m. Friday. Stolen: dark grey Sears VCR, box of 20 rounds hand-loaded 30/06 ammunition, and a Savage lever action rifle with Weaver 4x scope. Method: broke window on house between 2:30 and 11 p.m. Value: $505. Victims found a black, two-foot long blowgun with a 3-inch dart in the living room.
[Jan. 26, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 9:43 a.m. Monday -- Residents of a home on the 2900 block of West Lorraine Avenue came home after being away from Thursday to Monday and found evidence of a party. There were cigarette burns in the carpet, possible damage to the dishwasher, and Wesson oil on a bed and clothing. The residents also found a note from two juvenile females saying they had run away from home and used the premises. One, a 15-year-old, had been reported to the Douglas County Sheriff by her father Sunday morning. Because the house had apparently been entered through an unlocked bedroom window without the owners' knowledge or consent, the incident was classified as a burglary.
11:35 p.m. Monday -- D.R.J., a 39-year-old transient, was found sleeping in a mobile home on display and for sale on Northwest Mulholland Drive. He told police he had just been trying to find a place to get in from the cold. J. was booked on suspicion of criminal trespass and placed in Douglas County Jail.
[Jan. 28. 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Roseburg Police: From a residence on Southeast Parrot Street, reported 10:57 a.m. Wednesday. Stolen: six Credit Suisse one-ounce gold bars, and two Canada Bank one-ounce gold bars. Method: removed from bedroom dresser while doing odd jobs for elderly victim, probably in March 1987. Value: $3,200. Victim has furnished certificates of ownership and serial numbers to the police.
[Feb. 1, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 10 p.m. Saturday -- Two officers on patrol near the end of Laurel Avenue saw two nude 17-year-olds, a male and a female, run across the road. When the officers made contact, the two were in the back seat of a car, trying to put on their clothes. The police reported seeing a half-gallon bottle of vodka on the floor. Another 17-year-old male was in the front seat with his girlfriend. The police cited all three as minors in possession of alcohol and released them. Parents of the males reported Sunday that neither had come home and asked that they be listed as runaways. As of Monday morning, police had received no notification that the boys had been located. The boys were said to be driving a 1972 gold Pontiac Ventura, license plate ______.
[Feb. 3, 1988] Incidents, Douglas County Sheriff, 2:48 p.m. Tuesday -- A man in a red Ford pickup was reported to have twice rammed a yellow car with a woman inside, at First Street in Drain, then left. A spokesman for the sheriff's office said the couple, recently separated, were apparently racing each other to a school to get their children. He added that charges might be brought later.
[April 25, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 8:02 a.m. Sunday -- Police responded to the report of a woman screaming near Lilburn Street. An officer discovered ROTC students marching. The screaming female was the drill instructor.
[May 9, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 9:14 a.m. Sunday -- Employees found evidence of criminal mischief in a room at the Douglas Inn on Southeast Stephens Street. Someone had glued pennies and papers to the wall and removed all the lightbulbs in the room. The investigating officer found a sheet of note paper with "kangaroo court," "trial a formality," "graft corruption unbelievable," "signed sealed delivered," and other notes written on it.
[May 10, 1988] Incidents, Oregon State Police, 5 p.m. Sunday -- Troopers responded to a complaint of a domestic argument that resulted in the arrest of R.C.D, 23, on suspicion of assault. D. allegedly threw several objects at his wife, including a bowl of potato salad and a potted plant. The wife suffered a swollen upper lip as well as a cut below the left knee. D., who reportedly had hamburger thrown at him, was not injured.
[June 23, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 12:05 a.m. Thursday -- Police received a report that Satanic worship was being performed at a residence in southeast Roseburg. The person reporting said various males on the premises were dressed in black with black caps, had their hair slicked back, and were wearing red lipstick. The females were dressed in white.
Douglas County Sheriff, 6:43 p.m. Wednesday -- Winston Police received a report of a loose lion near M Street and Granny's Hut, walking toward the freeway, and referred the case to the sheriff's office. Wildlife Safari confirmed that it was not missing any animals. The investigating deputy found the creature was a collie with all its hair shaved off except for the mane. As late as 10:47 p.m., people were calling in to report "a small lion-looking animal in the area" of Kelly's Korner.
[June 24, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 7:15 a.m. Thursday -- Offices on the 500 block of West Umpqua Street were the object of criminal mischief. Someone had left a dead possum in the parking lot and smeared crushed pineapple on a rear window and door of the offices between 6:30 p.m. Wednesday and 7:15 a.m. Thursday.
[June 27, 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Oregon State Police: From a residence on the 200 block of Second Avenue in Riddle, reported 4 p.m. Sunday. Stolen: nine ceramic Christmas elves and squirrels. Method: removed from yard on Friday or Saturday. Value: $90.
[June 30, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 3:36 p.m. Wednesday -- In the process of moving into a residence on Hamilton Street, a citizen reported finding a 40-inch tall granite headstone stored in a shed on the property. The headstone carried the words, "Mary A. Zoor, died July 3, 1908, aged 66 years." Since it was not known where the headstone had come from or to whom it belonged, it was put in storage at the city police warehouse.
[July 1, 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Douglas County Sheriff: From a vehicle parked at the southbound Myrtle Creek exit of Interstate 5, reported 8:30 a.m. Thursday. Stolen: portable stereo, hair dryer, soft contact lenses, pillow and case, soccer shoes, and other personal effects. Method: broke passenger window between 8:45 p.m June 17 and 1:30 p.m. June 18 while owner was being booked for drunk driving. Value: $1,650 plus $62 damage.
[July 1, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 3:27 p.m. Thursday -- A resident of West Bodie Street found six loaves of bread on his front lawn and reported the suspicious circumstances. An officer disposed of the bread.
[Oct. 21, 1988] Burglaries, thefts, Roseburg Police: From a residence on the 800 block of Southeast Blakely Street. Stolen: bright green concrete frog weighing at least 75 pounds. Method: removed from deck area between midnight and 8 a.m. Thursday. Value: $50.
[Oct. 21, 1988] Incidents, Douglas County Sheriff, 7:16 a.m. Thursday -- Police received a report that a stabbing victim was in the Glide area. An investigation revealed that the 28-year-old man had been injured in the Grants Pass area about 5:30 a.m. and drove north to the home of relatives. He was taken to Mercy Medical Center and received 14 stitches for a laceration on his arm. He told a deputy he had dined out with his fiancee the night before and when he went to see her in the morning another man was there, who attacked him with a knife when he tried to take his engagement ring back. According to Grants Pass Police, he was allegedly trying to choke the woman when the other man used the knife. _________ was returned by Douglas County to the custody of the Grants Pass Police, who charged him with assault and theft.
[Oct. 24, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 1:20 p.m. Saturday -- Police received a report that someone had painted lipstick on a statue of Christ in the Masonic Garden of the Roseburg Memorial Gardens on Northwest Hicks Street.
[Dec. 1, 1988] Incidents, Roseburg Police, 11:41 a.m. Wednesday -- A resident of Northeast Polk Street called the Poison Control Center in Portland to report that her 15-month-old son had drunk some shampoo. She was advised to get him to ingest some milk.
[Dec. 1, 1988] Incidents, Douglas County Sheriff, 2:30 p.m. Wednesday -- A motorist reported seeing a small gray sports car parked on Interstate 5 northbound near Tri City with "arms flailing in the back." A deputy checked the vehicle and found that the man inside had been removing his jacket prior to taking a nap.